The best book of the year is now available at Quimby’s. Like Derek Pell’s lyric ode to the Warren Report, Assasination Rhapsody, and Joe Wenderroth’s fast-food tragicomedy Letters To Wendy’s, Roy Wrapped In Clingfilm is probably best when it is shared, read aloud, with friends and a few bottles of cheap wine. And a roll or two, just in case.
I wrap more carefully than ever before. Not merely personal gratification but civic pride is at stake. The sunlight glints on the translucent triumph of science. The faint rasp as I unspool it sends delirious brightly coloured butterflies flocking through my stomach. I am like a tailor of the elves bedecking him in a shimmering suit of some magical material. Soon, Roy Orbison stands before all of Dusseldorf wrapped up in clingfilm. Silent white light floods my whole being and I become one with the universe.
‘Fellow burghers!’ I cry. ‘Behold! Roy Orbison is completely wrapped in cling-film!’